In de mail....en het is waar!

Onderstaande kreeg ik in de mail.
Het klopt inderdaad als een bus!

What you'd never know were it not for Hollywood

* Women who live in haunted houses should always investigate any
strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

* If you're being chased through town, you can simply take cover in a
passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

* Beds are always equipped with special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.

* All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread protruding noticeably from the top.

* It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there's somebody in
the control tower to talk you down.

* Lipstick never rubs off - not even whilst scuba diving.

* The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No
one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can easily travel to any other part of the building whatsoever.

* You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, speaking
the language is not a required skill. A German accent, good or bad, will suffice.

* Paris is equipped with Eiffel Towers in such a way that exactly one
is visible from every window of every building.

* People from TV never finish their drinks.

* A man will show no pain whilst taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

* The chief of police must be black.

* When paying for a taxi, don't bother to look at your wallet as you
take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always
be the exact fare.

* If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by
15 cm.

* Kitchens aren't equipped with lights. If you want to go into a
kitchen at night, just use the light in the refrigerator.

* Any police investigation requires at least one visit to a strip
club.

* Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.

* When cars and trucks crash, they will almost immediately burst into
flames.

* Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can protect men from
bullets.

* A single match will be sufficient to ignite a room of any size.

* If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just
relax and draw a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

* Medieval peasants had excellent oral hygiene.

* 20th century technology permits weapons to be fired at an object out of visual range, but 23rd century technology does not.

* Any single woman has a cat.

* Awakening from a nightmare causes people to sit bolt upright and
pant.

* Even if the road is perfectly straight, the steering wheel must be
turned back and forth with a regular period.

* One person shooting at twenty others has a better chance of killing
them than twenty firing at one.

* Funky music from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

* If a phone line is broken, communications can be restored by
frantically clicking the cradle up and down and saying, "Hello? Hello?"

* Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if
any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.

* It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
involving martial arts - your enemies will confront you one by one. The others will dance around you in a threatening manner, and when you knock out
one, the next attacks you, following a predetermined order.

* In an emotional confrontation, both people should be facing the same
direction such that the first is talking to the second's back, and the
second must not turn around.

* When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
remains clearly visible, just darker and slightly bluish.

* Dogs are excellent judges of character - they always know who's bad
and will naturally bark at them.

* Police departments give their officers personality tests so that
they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

* Foreigners always prefer to speak English, even when they are with
others who share the same first language.

* Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

* No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its artificial gravity
system is never damaged.

* Deranged killers on the loose are always accompanied by
thunderstorms that bring down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity.

* You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.

* Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers, circular saws, and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least twenty minutes to escape.

* Having a job of any kind will make any father forget his son's
eighth birthday.

* Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and
accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.

* All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
LED displays so you know exactly when they're going to go off. These
displays also beep at one-second intervals.

* If you're in a hurry to get to a particular building, the parking
space immediately in front of its entrance will automatically be cleared for you.

* Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just
throw the gun away. You can always get a new one.

* Makeup can be worn to bed without smudging.

* Detectives are incapable of solving cases until they have been
suspended from duty.

* If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into
will know all the steps.